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28-Mar-2015 02:00

Panicking, he decides to cut open his own arm and make Iris a vampire, which probably guarantees a pretty awkward Mother’s Day next year.Odds and Ends:• Matt Bomer and Kathy Bates are killing it this season.(Lacy Baugher)Blood-covered Gabriel stumbles into the lobby and runs straight into John Lowe. We get to know Detective Lowe’s wife this week, by way of a seemingly interminable internal monologue wherein Alex explains her feelings about parenting, children and her obsession with her son Holden.

Their get-to-know-you chat is interrupted by the arrival of Will Drake and Claudia the Vogue Editor, particularly when the duo accuse Tristan of squatting and kick him out.

) John becomes hysterical – ugh, Wes Bentley is like an Evan Peters-level terrible, ugly crier – and begs her to stay. She leaves, but is stopped in her tracks by the sight of Holden in the hallway, who just says “Hi, Mommy” in the world’s creepiest voice like it’s no big deal. He tells her he’s gay, but they end up making out anyway, because of course they do.

She does, for a while, and they end up kissing until John suddenly suggests that they have another baby (??? Tristan interrupts them before things go too far, but not before the Countess promises Will that she’ll call him to continue things soon.

The Donovan/Iris relationship is so compelling and I’m so emotionally invested in what’s next.• Does the Countess know how to be around someone without sleeping with them?

At this rate I’m going to assume she hooked up with Bernie Madoff.• Do none of the boyfriends/girlfriends in this story freak out when their significant other reveals their “I can make you immortal but you have to drink my blood” plan? • The Countess’ plan to marry Will for his money and then murder him makes the fan theory that she was March’s wife who turned him in to the police seem very plausible.

Their get-to-know-you chat is interrupted by the arrival of Will Drake and Claudia the Vogue Editor, particularly when the duo accuse Tristan of squatting and kick him out.) John becomes hysterical – ugh, Wes Bentley is like an Evan Peters-level terrible, ugly crier – and begs her to stay. She leaves, but is stopped in her tracks by the sight of Holden in the hallway, who just says “Hi, Mommy” in the world’s creepiest voice like it’s no big deal. He tells her he’s gay, but they end up making out anyway, because of course they do.She does, for a while, and they end up kissing until John suddenly suggests that they have another baby (??? Tristan interrupts them before things go too far, but not before the Countess promises Will that she’ll call him to continue things soon.The Donovan/Iris relationship is so compelling and I’m so emotionally invested in what’s next.• Does the Countess know how to be around someone without sleeping with them?At this rate I’m going to assume she hooked up with Bernie Madoff.• Do none of the boyfriends/girlfriends in this story freak out when their significant other reveals their “I can make you immortal but you have to drink my blood” plan? • The Countess’ plan to marry Will for his money and then murder him makes the fan theory that she was March’s wife who turned him in to the police seem very plausible.He’s also gasping that he didn’t mean to kill that random woman; he’d thought it was that “junkie whore” Sally instead. Official signs of fall: colorful foliage, pumpkin spice everything and rivers of blood on my television screen. "American Horror Story" is back to terrify your Wednesday nights with a new season subtitled "Hotel," and our titular building seems to have...